Raising a Girl in Today's World

Recently, I posted something in my main blog about the perils of raising a girl in today's world and what I plan to do to avoid them. I thought it fit here perfectly, so I'm reposting.

Recently, Connie aka Sassy Lawyer wrote about a program at her daughter’s school with words “Becoming Men of Value” printed on it. This was dispensed to the graduates’ guests for their graduation ceremony. Connie does a good job raising different points about both the written program and the program itself. My main contention is the word MEN. For a mixed class of males and females. What happened to the females in the group? Didn’t anyone take a second look at those words and second-guess its propriety? Its accuracy? It tells a lot about the school. And I’m wondering why a loud hue and cry wasn’t raised from the students and parents alike about it. That tells me something too. IF there wasn’t enough complaints generated (and I don’t know if this is the case), then it tells me that enough parents and their daughters (and the men too) found nothing wrong with the words printed for a graduating class of mixed gender. Do they subconsciously hold their daughters’ worth as lower than the sons’?

You can tell it bugs me. I’m not really a feminist, but I’m a huge fan and a huge proponent of the idea of a strong, confident, competent female. A girl, a lady, a woman who is able to hold her own in a “man’s world”. I have strong women in my family. I didn’t grow up thinking I couldn’t do something because I’m a girl. I was expected to be smart, to be top in my class, to be talented…I was probably overindulged a bit. :)I grew up reading books about strong girls with amazing personalities and ethics. God bless Austen, and Lucy Maud Montgomery, and many others.

When I found out I was having a girl, I was delighted, and knew exactly the values I would emphasize for my daughter, and the values I would not.

No princess stuff. She is our world. We don’t have to emphasize that sentiment with stories of little princess who more often than not, are usually rescued by some prince charming. Screw that fantasy. My favorite version of Cinderella is the film Ever After, where the Cinderella character saves herself, because she wasn’t helpless. I am not against other moms who choose to do the princess things with their daughters. A strong character doesn’t necessarily exclude a love of princessy stuff. It’s just a personal choice with me. The backgrounds of each of these princess just smacks of damsel in distress. Ariel can’t return to normal unless a guy loves her and kisses her. Aurora of Snow White needs to be kissed as well to be rescued. Cinderella had to wait around for the prince to find her and put a slipper on her feet before she could get out of her miserable life…get the picture?

Give me a heroine with a bit more personality than these and I’ll promote them to Mina, no problem. Otherwise, I’ll continue to buy Winnie-the-Pooh paraphernalia from the Disney store.

NO TV. At least no cable TV. We’ll survive. Without TV, we’ll be forced to do some other activities for our entertainment. Mina does watch videos on the internet, of things like an Elmo Song on YouTube, or her own uploaded videos, or the occassional hip hop video (she really loves dancing), and videos of other kids dancing. I take her to dance and gym class a few times a week, I take her to the park. We read books, we draw, etc. I know she’ll probably be lured by a program or two when she’s older, but I hope by then I’ve instilled the joys of other activities in her.

When she’s older, we really may cut TV out altogether. Things slip through the cracks, as I’m sure you know. Even cable shows that are supposed to be family-friendly have a lot of sexual undertones to them nowadays. Who knows how much worse they’ll get in years’ time. I plan to talk to Mina about sex, but I don’t necessarily like how sex is portrayed on TV. Casual sex is portrayed as OK on television and movies.

Avoid Women’s/Teen Magazines. Is it possible? Probably not altogether. But I really hate the standard of beauty portrayed in those magazine. I’m sure you know what I mean already. I won’t bring them to the home and I’ll actively discourage her from buying them. Or if we buy them, we’ll discuss their level of reality.

Communicate. I plan to be frank about sex. I plan to be frank about issues surrounding women. The pressure to be thin, to look a certain way, to act a certain way. I will also listen. Probably the more important part. I plan to instill in her an understanding that how she feels and what she thinks matter. The goal is for her to want to communicate back once the iffy teen years come. Plant that sense of openness early on, and hope they remember it when their hormones are running amuck.

Stay with her Dad. I”m not joking. Statistics show again and again, that a girl without a father figure tries to find that father figure elsewhere, and it’s not always in a jovial and kind grandfather or uncle. It’s not always in positive ways. In fact, if you look among pregnant teen girls, and those who are sexually active early, statistics have the majority of them coming from single-parent homes headed by moms. I don’t propose staying in an unhappy marriage either. I have no advice. I just am glad I’m with a good man, who is an enthusiastic father who takes fatherhood seriously. I hope my Mina sees that and would want a guy just like her dad. I would have no problem.

Encourage. I don’t ever plan to say something like: “Are you sure you should do that? It’s only for boys.” To me, a girl - barring limitations based on physical differences - can do anything a guy can do. They can become anything they want to be.

I’m not naive. I know that there are a hecka of a lot of places where these sentiments aren’t shared; that in fact there are places they are actively repressed. I hope that changes some day soon. And I’ll do my part by starting at home, and raising a strong, confident, powerful girl.