Note To Mina

Dear Mina,

You're growing too fast. You're growing too soon. Haven't I asked you repeatedly, with plenty of pleases to please stay my baby a little while longer? Why must you break Mommy's heart so soon. You're running toward the Two's with open arms, a glint in your eye and a Wheee! to accompany it. I don't like it. Pause a little, sit here on Mommy's lap. There, was that so bad.

Oh dear, there you go again.

Tonight I told you two bedtime stories. Not one I read from a book, but one I made up myself. The lead character was Mina of course, and in both stories she was fighting Moomoos (monsters)and winning because she is tough and strong. I cradled you in my arms and you looked up at me with wide eyes, but with no grin. Just a very serious look, like you understood every word I said. And you did because you're so smart.

Daddy will be home in a month or so. He's gonna have his socks knocked off by how cute and adorable, and smart you are. I have never met a baby as charming a you and that is God's honest truth.

A baby. Soon to be a toddler. No hurry, ok? No hurry. Sit on my lap, in my arms and I'll tell you more stories.

Happy Easter

Hey baby girl,

You had your first Easter Egg hunt a week before Easter Sunday. What a great practice. It was through our local playgroup at the Veteran's Home and you went home with about twenty eggs or so. The actual Easter Sunday egg hunt we went to wasn't as organized and was quite rowdy. You made out with four eggs.

You're talking a lot more these days and even pretend to tell us stories at 20 mos. You have christened anyone starring in your stories the name "Malia". We know a Malia but no you don't play with her, not really.

We have signed you up for another round of Gym glass with Ms. Jenn, and dance class with Ms. Claudia. You're enjoying yourself as usual.

Let's see, at this point in time you weight 26 lbs. and you're 34 inc. in height. That's pretty good, you're a tall girl! I'll leave you with a photo of yourself in my favorite dress so far:

Raising a Girl in Today's World

Recently, I posted something in my main blog about the perils of raising a girl in today's world and what I plan to do to avoid them. I thought it fit here perfectly, so I'm reposting.

Recently, Connie aka Sassy Lawyer wrote about a program at her daughter’s school with words “Becoming Men of Value” printed on it. This was dispensed to the graduates’ guests for their graduation ceremony. Connie does a good job raising different points about both the written program and the program itself. My main contention is the word MEN. For a mixed class of males and females. What happened to the females in the group? Didn’t anyone take a second look at those words and second-guess its propriety? Its accuracy? It tells a lot about the school. And I’m wondering why a loud hue and cry wasn’t raised from the students and parents alike about it. That tells me something too. IF there wasn’t enough complaints generated (and I don’t know if this is the case), then it tells me that enough parents and their daughters (and the men too) found nothing wrong with the words printed for a graduating class of mixed gender. Do they subconsciously hold their daughters’ worth as lower than the sons’?

You can tell it bugs me. I’m not really a feminist, but I’m a huge fan and a huge proponent of the idea of a strong, confident, competent female. A girl, a lady, a woman who is able to hold her own in a “man’s world”. I have strong women in my family. I didn’t grow up thinking I couldn’t do something because I’m a girl. I was expected to be smart, to be top in my class, to be talented…I was probably overindulged a bit. :)I grew up reading books about strong girls with amazing personalities and ethics. God bless Austen, and Lucy Maud Montgomery, and many others.

When I found out I was having a girl, I was delighted, and knew exactly the values I would emphasize for my daughter, and the values I would not.

No princess stuff. She is our world. We don’t have to emphasize that sentiment with stories of little princess who more often than not, are usually rescued by some prince charming. Screw that fantasy. My favorite version of Cinderella is the film Ever After, where the Cinderella character saves herself, because she wasn’t helpless. I am not against other moms who choose to do the princess things with their daughters. A strong character doesn’t necessarily exclude a love of princessy stuff. It’s just a personal choice with me. The backgrounds of each of these princess just smacks of damsel in distress. Ariel can’t return to normal unless a guy loves her and kisses her. Aurora of Snow White needs to be kissed as well to be rescued. Cinderella had to wait around for the prince to find her and put a slipper on her feet before she could get out of her miserable life…get the picture?

Give me a heroine with a bit more personality than these and I’ll promote them to Mina, no problem. Otherwise, I’ll continue to buy Winnie-the-Pooh paraphernalia from the Disney store.

NO TV. At least no cable TV. We’ll survive. Without TV, we’ll be forced to do some other activities for our entertainment. Mina does watch videos on the internet, of things like an Elmo Song on YouTube, or her own uploaded videos, or the occassional hip hop video (she really loves dancing), and videos of other kids dancing. I take her to dance and gym class a few times a week, I take her to the park. We read books, we draw, etc. I know she’ll probably be lured by a program or two when she’s older, but I hope by then I’ve instilled the joys of other activities in her.

When she’s older, we really may cut TV out altogether. Things slip through the cracks, as I’m sure you know. Even cable shows that are supposed to be family-friendly have a lot of sexual undertones to them nowadays. Who knows how much worse they’ll get in years’ time. I plan to talk to Mina about sex, but I don’t necessarily like how sex is portrayed on TV. Casual sex is portrayed as OK on television and movies.

Avoid Women’s/Teen Magazines. Is it possible? Probably not altogether. But I really hate the standard of beauty portrayed in those magazine. I’m sure you know what I mean already. I won’t bring them to the home and I’ll actively discourage her from buying them. Or if we buy them, we’ll discuss their level of reality.

Communicate. I plan to be frank about sex. I plan to be frank about issues surrounding women. The pressure to be thin, to look a certain way, to act a certain way. I will also listen. Probably the more important part. I plan to instill in her an understanding that how she feels and what she thinks matter. The goal is for her to want to communicate back once the iffy teen years come. Plant that sense of openness early on, and hope they remember it when their hormones are running amuck.

Stay with her Dad. I”m not joking. Statistics show again and again, that a girl without a father figure tries to find that father figure elsewhere, and it’s not always in a jovial and kind grandfather or uncle. It’s not always in positive ways. In fact, if you look among pregnant teen girls, and those who are sexually active early, statistics have the majority of them coming from single-parent homes headed by moms. I don’t propose staying in an unhappy marriage either. I have no advice. I just am glad I’m with a good man, who is an enthusiastic father who takes fatherhood seriously. I hope my Mina sees that and would want a guy just like her dad. I would have no problem.

Encourage. I don’t ever plan to say something like: “Are you sure you should do that? It’s only for boys.” To me, a girl - barring limitations based on physical differences - can do anything a guy can do. They can become anything they want to be.

I’m not naive. I know that there are a hecka of a lot of places where these sentiments aren’t shared; that in fact there are places they are actively repressed. I hope that changes some day soon. And I’ll do my part by starting at home, and raising a strong, confident, powerful girl.

Mommy (and Daddy) Resources

Now that Mina is older (almost a toddler! Ack!), I don't have a compulsion to check every single milestones, events, acts, that happen for her against sources like the BabyCenter, Babiesonline Blog, and other parenting sites like Parents Connect. I think the first few weeks I had her I would literally check every parent site on a daily basis, as well as my trusty What to Expect the First Year book. And now the compulsion has died down. I've gained confidence in my parenting abilities.

If you're a new parent, know that there are resources out there, online, literally a few clicks away. Remember that parents have been there before you and have survived. You will too. I promise.

You're guilty about feeling angry, frustrated. You're worried about your baby's poopy diaper, about how much or how little they're eating or drinking. Whatever your worries are. Don't panic. Check out the resources available to you. Your questions probably all have simple answers.

Now that I'm a parent of soon-to-be-toddler, I have a new set of questions. When should she start preschool? Is really that important? How do I get her to practice her large and fine motor skills? I start noticing differences between her and kids her age. Should I work on the things she isn't good at, and other kids are? Am I being too authoritative in my discipline style, or am I doing it just right? She is a really well-behaved baby, my little Mina; have I stifled her too much?

Like Baby Center, Parents Connect have resources for babies and toddlers, but also for kids, preteens and teens. Because we all know that as parents, we'll need all the help we can get, right?

Melting Hearts

Mina is the most charming, funniest, cutest baby I know. I know I'm biased okay, but she's really hilarious. I used to read that nothing can prepare you as a parent for the love and joy that your children can bring into your lives. All I can say is they were right.

For every innocent joyful laughter, every request for a "kish" complete with both hands on my cheeks. For every request for a hug complete with a pat on the back. For every smile, for every new expression, new word learned, new developmental milestone crossed...for everything there is an exponential burst of just amazing feeling. She is joy encapsulated. She is wonderful, and loving. I am glad of all of it because it means I must be doing something right, right?

She is developing at warp speed and surprises me everyday with the phrases she can complete. She can express herself so well and according to the books she is months ahead of schedule. Most toddlers start with 2-word phrases at age 2 years of age. She can speak in 3 and sometimes 4 word sentences at 18 months.

She loves dancing, she loves singing, and watching videos of herself. I need to take her outdoors more often as we don't always go on our morning walk anymore. I used to take her 3-4 times a week but I'm sure we'll get back to that as the weather progresses. She goes to two toddler classes which end next week. Meaning I have to sign her up for something else soon.

She eats like crazy. I see no evidence of a stop-i'm-full signal. If she sees something new she will eat it. I have to really firmly tell her no a lot. And hide food. Oh boy, that is no joke. I'm trying not to worry. A parent can always find something to worry about. She's in the 50th percentile for weight actually so there is no reason to worry. Her favorite food group is carbs but I'm glas she likes healthy stuff too like cheerios, apple, and carrots. Broccoli has to be cooked exactly right to be accepted, not too hard, not too mushy. Same goes for zucchini and squash.

I'm kinda stagnant in introducing new and healthy foods to her like, I don't know, legumes and such. I tell myself I have no time but I know I can find the time if only I organize myself better. But her diet is at least pretty good most of the time. She gets her portion of fish, and meats, and fruits and veggies. She eats a bit too much rice still in my taste but I've decided not to worry about that. Once we are living on our own, we'll have much more control of what goes into her tummy, and rice will be curbed to no more than one serving a day. She does like noodles though.

Well, if you've stayed here this long, I should reward you with a video of the charming one.

Here she is in her dance class for toddlers.